Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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