hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
