I got chris browned last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
