Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
