dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
