hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's Friday. Sex?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize