I cut my penus on the lid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
