Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need a beard to bite.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
