She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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