dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
