Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Someone shit on the floor
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
