I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
