dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She needs sedatives and a leash
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
