Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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