He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
