I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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