If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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