So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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