I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You pole danced in your parka.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
