How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
