Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
