Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
