He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
did you just send me my own nude
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