I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
