clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
