It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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