the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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