Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
