she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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