I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
