You work out of a Hotel?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
