I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize