I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
