It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize