I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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