Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
