One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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