A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
