Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
