Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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