Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
