dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
