I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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