May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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