Barsexuality is the new black.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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