shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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