pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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