her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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