If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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