Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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