apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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