I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
