there's paper in my vomit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
