hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
