he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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