The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
