dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
