Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
