I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
