Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
