Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
