He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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