I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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