I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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