rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
