My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
