What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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