i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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