I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
