Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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