Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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