Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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