I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize