Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They took my balls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
