he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
