dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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