The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
