Please, let me fuck your mom
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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