I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
