well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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