mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
