So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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