And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
